Karaoke Dictionary

ACCOMPANIST - Someone who always has to play an instrument (i.e. harmonica), bang on the table or clap along during ones song.

AQUAMOOCH - Someone who goes to karaoke and drinks only water to avoid spending money Can easily be identified, as they are usually the biggest complainers about the rotation.

ARHYTHMIA IDIOTICA - The one guy who always claps out of rhythm with the rest of the crowd, just to annoy others.

AUDIO DEFICIT - When the music fades out, but words are still left on the screen to sing.

AUDIO REPEATUS - Hearing the same some twice in one night.

AUDIOMANIAC - A KJ that runs back and forth, adjusting the sound every minute as if they were running the Boston Marathon.

AUDIOPHOOL - Someone who knows nothing about audio, but always tries to tell the KJ how to run the sound.

AUDITORY DELUSION - When someone actually thinks cupping their hand over their ear makes them sound better.

BARELYOKE - When someone sings into the microphone and you still cant hear them.

BATHROOM BREAK - A song, whenever performed, no matter how well performed, induces a customer, or customers to head to the bathroom, outside, or anywhere else away from the karaoke singing space.

BLAREOKE - When its obvious that the music is TOO DAMN LOUD!!!

BLOODYMARYOKE - Any show that lasts until daylight.

BOHEMIA NERVOSA - The irresistible urge to bang ones head in the instrumental break of Bohemian Rhapsody.

BOOGIE COMPULSION - A disorder, which compels otherwise conservative individuals to stampede blindly to the dance floor when someone sings Play that funky music.

CAVE DWELLER - Someone who wraps their hand around the mic, thinking it looks cool, completely unaware that it makes their voice sound like theyre singing Aqualung.

CHAIREOKE - Any person who has to sit down while they sing so that they can effectively hide behind the monitor.

CLAPPUS ALONUS - When you are the only one clapping.

CLAPPUS FALSALARMUS - Accidentally clapping for the dance music. This is usually paired with the aforementioned CLAPPUS ALONUS and usually followed by CLAPPUS INTERUPTUS.

CLAPPUS INTERUPTUS - Clapping, then suddenly stopping because the song isnt over.

COURTESY CLAP - Applause that only happens because the audience is glad the song is over.

DANCE RE-MIX - A disc, that always skips during a performance.

DAREOKE - Similar to SCARYOKE, but it was your friend that picked the song.

DEDICATION - Any ballad sung in hopes of gaining female companionship for the evening.

DORKAPELLA - Someone who continues to sing even when the song is over, and refuses to stop until the KJ or the next singer grabs the mic from them.

A singer who always misses the first part of the song, and the host has to start it over.

DRAFT CARD - A request slip with someones name on it who has not volunteered to sing.

DRIVE-BY - Cruising past a show trying to estimate how big the rotation is without making the commitment of walking in.

FAREOKE - A venue that charges you to sing and /or makes you pay a cover charge to get in.

FAKE VIRGIN - A person performing on a karaoke stage claiming to be on stage for the first time, but has sung in front of audiences before.

FAUX BOOST - The act of complimenting a singers not so good performance.

FIRE DRILL - Any song that causes a large group of people to head for the nearest exit.

GERMICROPHOBIA - The fear of catching something from the last singer by using the same microphoneresulting in the singer trying any of a dozen sneaky ways to wipe off the mic.

GHOST SINGER - A person who puts in a song, promptly disappears until they are called, then mysteriously re-appears.

GLAREOKE - Unable to read the monitor because the KJ positioned a spotlight right in your face.

HAILMARYOKE - When an overly pious individual approaches you to pray for your soul after you have sung and offensive song.

HAIRYOKE - Sorry, only 80s metal singers allowed.

HARIKARIOKE - Equating the fear of karaoke with suicide.

HIT AND RUN - Someone who hangs around just long enough to sing, then vaporizes without a word.

HOLLYWOOD KISSES - The annoying, plastic comments intended to gain favor from a KJ(often recognizable because of the repeated use of the word Really).

HOMOCIDE - When a singer performs a song he or she has never performed before (see suicide), and knows from the very start that the performance will be quite bad.

HUNTING SEASON - The time where people who dont normally go to certain karaoke show will go, IF THERES A CONTEST.

I-DONTCAREOKE - Singing for a dead crowd.

ILLUSIONIST - A singer whose voice is in complete conflict with their looks.(Example, shes dressed like Patsy Cline, and next thing you know she breaks out with the Guns N Roses).

IMPAIRAOKE - When dancers on the floor or other singers block you view of the TV monitor.

IRRITAGENT - A non-singer who represents their friend to the hostand tries to get the KJ to move them up because they are so much better a singer than all the rest of these guys.

KARABOO - The discouraged practice of letting a singer know that despite what the host said, the singer actually stank to high hell!

KARACHOKIE - When you try a song youve never done before, and blow it badly.

KARAADULTERY - Someone who sings a duet with one person and leaves the bar with another.

KARAFLARE - The act of flicking cigarette lighters or matches in order to pay homage to a particular song.

KARAGLYPHICS -Unreadable scribbling on a song request slip.

KARAHOKIE - Those so called standards which are so far out that no one in their right mind ever does them.

KARAHOOCHIE - A singer, usually of the female persuasion that gets way too friendly with the KJ, not caring if they are attached, or if their significant other is in the bar at the time.

KARALLOQUIAL DIALECT - The different ways to pronounce the word Karaoke based on what region a person is from.

KARAMPUTEE - Someone whos been cut out of rotation for one reason or another.

KARAMUCK - The unidentifiable substance between the pages in a songbook which causes them to stick together.

KARANDROGYNOUS - Being able to sing male and female parts of certain songs.

KARAOKE - What pall bearers do at a funeral in Oklahoma.

KARAOKE ALZHEIMERS - A singer turns in a song, then 5 minutes later comes up and asks the KJ what they put in.

KARAOKE PARANOIA - A condition which makes a singer go up every 3 minutes to ask when theyre up.

KARAOKE STUTTERER - Someone who tries to sing along to a skipping disc.

KARAOKEPHOBIA - When someone is so scared of karaoke, that they push the book away from them as if it were and odious thing will metaphysically transport them on stage if they open it.

KARA-OPIE - That annoying kid who shows up every week and bellows into the mic while adoring parent(s) look on as the rest of the place holds their ears.

KARAOGRE - The loner who never talks to anyone, never sits with anyone and is always a grouch.

KARACUTIE - The girl who sings gawdawful, but is so darn cute all the guys dont care and cheer her on.

KARAP - Any song that makes you want to KARABOO.

KARASLINKY - A microphone cord which refuses to straighten out, no matter which way you try to unwind it.

KARASMOKIE - A KJ who abuses the fog machine, making it impossible to breath or see your mic.

KARASOAPIES - Those people who cannot resist telling you all about the latest trails and tribulations in their lives.

KARAENEMA - The art of pulling a song out of you a** when you least expect it.

KROAKIE - A singer who did Mariah Carey at the show the night before, and is now limited to Joe Cocker and Kim Carnes tunes.

LAYAWAY - Someone who turns in a blank request slip just to get into rotation.

LIQUID COURAGE - Any alcoholic beverage that facilitates a singer coming up on stage.

LYRICTOSIS - A dreaded disease contracted by karaoke software manufactures who get the lyrics ridiculously wrong.

MALSETTO - Singers who breathe their way through a power song.

MARTINESQUE - The type of singer that sings while simultaneously holding a drink and a cigarette in their free hand.

McMICROPHONE - A mic of such low quality that, instead of clapping, the audience asks a singer if they could have some fries with that.

MILLI VANILLI - A singer that goes up with another person, then wont take the microphone, and just stands there and mouths the words the whole time.

MILLIONAIREOKE - An independently wealthy singer who has no other job besides owning a car lot.

MONDEGREEN (AN ACTUAL TERM) - Printed lyrics on CDGs that sound similar to, but are in fact not the real lyrics of a given song.

NEEROKE - You set up the show and no one will sing.

NICOMAGNETISM - The mysterious quality of cigarette smoke to waft towards the singers at the table, regardless of position.

NOM DE MIC - A fake name someone uses to cheat their way to the top of the rotation.

NOTHEREOKE - When the nest person you call up has left without telling you.

ORPHAN - A person who was ditched by their friends and inevitably ends up asking the KJ for a ride home.

OVERMODULATOR - A singer who constantly screams into the microphone. Everything they sing sounds like its being performed by Megadetheven The Rose.

PARTYTIMEOKE - When you just go out to sing, get drunk, fall down and get up and sing some more.

PHLEGMIC CELLULOSE - That unidentified moist substance that breeds in microphone covers.

PITCHFORKING - Changing the key of a song so radically that the background singers sound like theyre either on Quaaludes or helium.

PORT-A-POTTY - Taking the wireless mic into the bathroom in order to avoid tap dancing.

PRAIRIEOKE - Too many country songs in a row.

PREMATURE CLAP - Clapping before the song is actually over.

PROJECTION IMPAIRED - When a singer sings so quietly that a KJ has to turn the mic up to the point of feedback.

PROOFREADER - Someone who always has to point out the typos in the songbook.

PSEUDOHOST - A singer who tries to act like a KJ, but is completely devoid of people skills.

QUICK CHANGE ARTIST - Someone who changes their song more than 3 times a nightusually right before they sing.

RAREOKE - Singing a Sound Choice Eagles song.

RECYCLER -Someone who changes their mind and scratches out their song so many times, that eventually they are forced to use the back of the request form.

REPEAT OFFENDER - Someone who pipes up with a cliché like Is this thing on? Thinking its funny.completely unaware that hundreds of other people have already said it that night.

ROTATION - The order in which customers of karaoke establishments will sing. Usually determined by the order in which customers make requests to sing and altered by additions of customers arriving later at the establishment than others. If used correctly and ethically time on stage will be allocated fairly to all people who wish to sing.

ROTATIONIRRATATUS - Happens when you see the same person singing 12 duets in one rotation and there are only 13 singers!

SCAMMEROKE - Singing behind the scene to make your friend sound much better than they are.

SCARYOKE - Attempting a song for the first time and youre pretty sure its gonna suck.

SHAREOKE - When you and some of your friends tag-team through a song, or you wander around with a cordless mic and get others to sing with you.

SNOOZYOKE - Condition caused by too many slow songs in one rotation.

SOLITAREOKE - When the KJ is forced to sing back to back because there are no sign ups yet.

SPECIAL REQUEST - The most common excuse for a host to sing in a 50 person rotations, even though the person requesting the song will never be identified.

STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONED - The extremely drunk singer who always wanders off right before their turn, and their friends who is sent to go find them.

STAREEOKE - The local drunks awkward first encounter with singing and attempting to follow the words on the screen.

SUICIDE - When a singer performs a song he or she has never performed before.

SWEARINOKE - Someone who changes the songs lyrics in order to cuss just for the hell of it.

SWEAROKE - Any song sung deliberately to offend.

TAP DANCER - Someone who didnt make it to the bathroom before their song came up.

THE DARK SIDE OF KARAOKE - People who take karaoke TOO SERIOUSLY and cleave to it to fill deep emotional voids. If it werent for karaoke, theyd be on the rooftop with an AK-47. Dark-Siders can be easily be identified by dropping by a location 3 hours before the show starts, theyll be sitting there waiting.

THE EEBIE FREEBIES - That unnerving and irritating feeling a bartender gets when a water drinker sits down at the bar.

THE NUTCRACKER SWEAT - The terror experienced by a male singer before singing any Peter Cetera song.

TITLEIST - Someone who calls themselves the QUEEN or KING of karaoke, but usually sings like Roseanne Barr.

TOKIOKE - Refers to anyone trying to sing while stoned or on a hallucinogens.

TUTOR - Someone who always has to help others fill out their request slips and find songs.

TYPHOID KARY - Any idiot who sings with a communicable illness.

ULTRASONIC - Songs that are so high that only dogs can hear them (anything by Mariah Carey).

UNFAIROKE - The person who complains after losing a contest.

VIBRATO NON GRATA - Trilling your voice inappropriately on every note of a song, to the point that you sound like youre singing in an earthquake.

VIRGIN - A person performing on a karaoke stage for the first time ever in their life.

WANNARODIE - People who insist on trying to help break down equipment, over the objections of the host.

WARYOKE - You get up to sing in a group song but no way, no how will you get near the mic.

WEARYOKE - The third time you hear Goodbye Earl in a single night (feel free to insert your favorite song here).

WHEREEOKE - The frantic search for a singing fix when a karaoke junkie visits a new town.